Okey, whatever people gonna say. I'm just gonna say this though. I love my mom! I miss her although she has just went out for 3 days outstation this morning. It was like, without her I had nothing. Nothing to do, like no one to talk with, no one to hug with, no one for me to tell jokes. Everything. I eat alone, I sleep alone, laying down on the bed alone. I feel blank.
This day, I just laid down on her bed. Watching television which is beside the bed. Took a long nap. And just imagine that she's beside me. Talking. Laughing together. She's been through so many thing. First with her children, I meant us. We got her troubles in her life non-stop. Bad attitudes. Inappropriate behaviors to adults, relatives, or people who come to our house. We made her embarrassed by our inappropriate. Everything. Me messed her life so much.
But she still loves us. We sulk a lot. It's like a must for us do that once in two months. I'm sorry. We're sorry mom. I think it's best for you to take a rest there, though it's for job duty. She went there for some course she should take along with the principal of school. Yes, she's a teacher there. She used to be a mathematics teacher, a discipline teacher. Now we've moved, she's been upped to a new level. Hmmm, in Malay it's Penolong Kanan. But since then, she's been busy with her work every single time. Once, she had to bring the school's personal computer (PC) to do her work in her bedroom. She'd been up all the night arranging the school schedule for each classes, every teachers. Plus for the whole year schedule.
Recently, she always locked herself in her bedroom. I'm afraid she would do something stupid. But I won't say it though it's human nature to think of ridiculous things. It's worrying seeing our mom in sadness. But she won't share her problems to me. To everyone in our family. None. This really makes me worried about her. I'm not happy though now I can be categorized being a lucky person because I got into university since 4 months ago. A week before I finished the first semester, I had to go back to my hostel to take some stupid exams. Before I went back to hostel, there were some misunderstanding between my mom and dad.
This started when my dad fasting for that day. For the dinner, my mom re-heat the foods she cooked for the lunch. I was there when my dad asked me what was I doing. I said I was heating the lunch. Maybe he was hoping new dinner cooked especially for him. Then, he just walked outside, start the engine car and went off. He ate outside that night. After 30 minutes, my mom asked me where was my dad? I said he might be eating outside. My mom's face instantly changed and said, "I cooked very hard, then you eat outside".
At that night, as usual, I opened the door after knowing my dad had back home. I expected nothing unusual about my dad. Shook and kissed his hands. And he walked off to the living room. At that time, my mom locked the door. She didn't know that my dad had back home. So, I just sat back in front of television. Suddenly, I heard a sound like a door being smashed, or kicked or whatever. It was my dad kicking the door.
I screamed for my mom's name. Instantly, my mom opened the door. Yet, my dad fiercely grabbed ang pulled my mom's hair and pushed her head towards the bed. I was shocked by my dad's behaviour. I never seen him like that. Never seen him beating my mom. Never. From that time, I hate my dad.
It's just why need to pull off your expressions physically?It might give you such a relief but it hurts the others. Gah. This is an endless issue. I might be talking about this in another blog entry. I might but no promise. I feel better expressing my feeling through this blog though it brings nothing actually in my life. Just want to fill up my time.