Recently

I'm in hurry though. I promised to myself to get just 30 minutes online, and it was 2 hours and 30 minutes ago. Oh well, it's been days after I updated my profile. Just a few more days that I'd buy new laptop and I think imma have new theme of my blog page. As you can see, it sucks, boring and just plain.

Today, yet another same day I've been through. But slightly different. I had a problem when I want to defecate. Yeah, a lil disgusting story but Imma tell though. It got stuck for almost 30 minutes. It really hurts my ass. This due to my eating habit of chocolate powder. I eat them for breakfast, lunch and dinner. That's why my poop was really dark-brown. XD Haha

Okey, stop talking about those stinky thingy. Anyway, I took some recipes to cook for tomorrow. I plan to cook meat and chicken. Two side-dishes would be perfect, maybe imma make some omelet. Talking about omelet, once I made it following the recipes I got from the PS1 game named Harvest Moon. It was a simple one. Just an egg and milk. I just want to taste it. So I made it again and over again until there was a time I wanted to puke after eating it. Then I just stopped right there and never make that dish until now. Yeah, I'm planning to make it tomorrow.

Another 2 days to go until that I'll go back to my hostel continue studying for the second semester. Now these thoughts came to my mind, "What was I doing all this long that just 2 days to go that I had to go back to my hostel?". I guess this semester wouldn't be much worse that before because I'd have new laptop! Can't wait to having it X3

Confidence

Due to the boredomness I felt these days, the same routines I've been through, so I went to each of my friends' profile in friendster to kill some time. Some of them in college, most in matrics and a quarter has went studying overseas. Me? I'm in matrics. But still, just now I regret for what I did before; not studying hard. I feel envious seeing them.

I heard that after I finished studying in matrics, there'll be some form to be filled which is to continue studying overseas which that'll be my hope to catch. I can't wait for it. Why am I so dying to study at others country? This question always playing in my mind. I think that it's the only way to boost up my confidence, my speaking. The fact of being forced, I mean that would the only way of me to speak in english is by living in their country. Practising with my friend? I don't think so. I'm just too afraid to say even a word in english. I don't know. This weird feeling always come whenever I'll try to speak in english except in my english class where we had to speak in english, either else, our exam mark will be deducted. Noooah!

The fact of me lacking in english language. Not so really. I got excellent marks in writing paper. Plus I jumped to level 5 out of 6 when I first started. This was tested by doing english paper first before entering the matrics. But, if there were speaking test, I bet that I'd be in lower level. This is really frustrating. I think that if I speak in english, I'd speak in wrong grammar, wrong use of words, or that someone will think I'm just showing off. That's what I'm afraid of.

Back to the filling form, however, my mom doesn't allow me. She wants me to study in local university, be with her. I think she doesn't want me to study abroad because she doesn't have the confidence of me being alone, self-arranged in everything I do. Now what this means?? Another reason for me to study abroad! I want to show her that I can do it by MYSELF. I'm not a kid anymore, mom. Please has some confidence of me to do something on my own.. I can't be under your arm all the time (though I do that most of the time).

Maybe this is due to my ownself. Back when I was in form 1, I went to boarding school which is also the school where my mother taught. Although I got to see her everyday except weekend, I cried at her a LOT whenever she went to visit me. It was embarrassing actually. My dorm-mates usually will peek at the window if thet knew my mom went to the hostel. All of them! I think about 15 of them. That's why I was well-known as mommy's kid.

That was years ago, yet now I'm living in hostel at my matrics. Still, I cried too whenever my parents come to visit me or when I got home, I'd tell EVERYTHING to my mom. This includes when I've fallen in love with some one which I called ' the pink boy'. Well, it was kinda sudden love because I fall in love with him on the first sight! And that was when iftar for BEN students member (bachelor of english), and he wore pink baju melayu at that time. With his sunglasses, aaah.. At first I didn't really noticed him and it started when I went to get some food and he was there. Then, when I reached for kuih lapis suddenly my hands were grabbed by him. He said, "No you can't take this. It's MINE." I was shock surely enough. Then he laughed and said, "Haha, I was just joking". And that time, it was like in a slow-motion, I saw his smile.... very CUTE!! The smile was meant for me~

Ehem, I went too far. so yeah, I tell everything to my mom. So what? But really I really want to study abroad. Once I asked my mom, "Mom, don't you want me to be on newspaper making some utterance for you? Like, "Hello Malaysia, I'm Izyan from University of Harvard (for example) wants to say Selamat Hari Raya to all malaysian, especially to my mom n dad, not to forget my siblings, blah blah.. "" My mom quickly answered a big NO. I knew she wants it sooo much! It's that she doesn't want to be far with her. But this is my own good mom, and for you. I want to make you proud of me. I don't want to be compared with my genius cousin anymore. Whom always got straight A's in her subjects, whom is the best students in her school. Aah, I'm different mom, take the fact. I want to grow up..

My plan in the future

So this day I've overheard my brother and my younger brother talking about internet. Actually, simple to say it's about me. I get the most of the time get online, chatting, check emails and whatever else I want to do while surfing the internet. I think they get ennvious of me get the most of the time while they aren't. Well, come on! Who say that you guys can't play the computer? They don't even ask me while I was in front of the computer. Whatever.

So the first thing i want to do in the future is to buy my own house. After that, get simple furniture like sofa, bed, bathroom and kitchen suppliers. I eat a lot anyway. So it's a must for me to get the most important thing which is the ice box!! I had to put the snacks, fast foods such as chicken roll, sausages, fish cakes and so on. I'm thinking like this, in the future, me, as a successful woman working every day (except weekend) will be very very busy that I got no time to cook at all. So fast food is a big YES to me.

Then, after complete the essential things. I want to buy something that I like, which are having streamyx cable internet with the same cost every month although we open internet 24 hours every day), I want to buy play station or x-box or whatever newie that has been launched at that time. I love to play games. I don't mind whatever people gonna say. Anyway, who say that girls can't play games?? And.. I wanna have i pod-touch and playstation portable (PSP) which will I bring when I'm outside.

Hmm, for the bathroom, I want to have an exclusive bath tub that can accommodate at least 4 people. With marble floor and wall and such elegant colors. Big mirror so that I can see my whole beautiful body. Haha. And, what ... hmm.. And, another thing is, I want to have at least two cats to accompany me. I expect I'll live alone for awhile. I want to enjoy living alone for a few years until I change my mind to get marry. I love animals, so I think imma fill up one of the room exclusively just for my pets. Like in the movie, having a bed for my cats, gold bowls for them to eat on. Aaah... what a heaven life for my pets..

Hmm, for the entertainment ( isn't what am I talking is all about entertainment?), I want to have loads of full series of Korean drama and English such as smallvile, heroes, cashmere mafia, pushing daisies and so on. These can fill up my leisure time with popcorn on my lap, comfortable sofa, my cats beside me watching television too plus a bushy mat under my feet. Waah!

That'd be such a heaven for me. But I'm afraid I'd be such butt-load lazy woman. Anyway, it's good to have a dream right? Like my friend used to say, success starts with dream, dreams start with sleeping. So we need to sleep right to succeed in our life right? Haha, she was joking of course, me either. :)